A Series of Retarded Dreams
by Dragon ANBU
Summary: These are the kind of dreams an obssessed Naruto fanatic has. These are the kind of dreams I have. Rated for language.
1. Pizza Hut

Yo!

Are you bored out of your mind?

….I am.

Anyway this fic is based on a couple of dreams I've had in, like, the past few weeks.

They are so random I decided to do something about it.

Or rather, write something about it.

Most of them are extremely short and I can't do anything about that.

Seeing as I don't remember some parts, I guess I'll just use my imagination and fill in the spaces myself.

Anyway, while you're reading, try to picture the situation in your head to help you along, if you have a good imagination and such.

I do not own Naruto, cause if I do,

…….THE SERIES WOULD BE RETARDED AND COMPLETELY STUFFED UP!

WARNING: Pure randomness ahead.

* * *

A certain DragonANBU woke up one sunny morning. She got up, yawned, rubbed her eyes etc.

Then there was a knock on the door.

So DA skipped happily to answer it.

((….I can't really imagine myself skipping……))

She opened the door

And stared.

Can you imagine what has got poor DA-chan so baffled early in the morning?

Um, don't even guess.

I'll tell you.

There stood a certain girly looking someone with long, black hair, dressed in a strange, white shirt with a high collar, black knee-length pants, bandages wrapped on the person's right arm and leg, and sporting a Konoha headband.

And after taking all that in, its no surprise little DA-chan knew what to expect from the last detail.

And when she finally looked into his eyes, her suspicions were confirmed.

Gazing back at her were white, pupil-less eyes with a hint of amusement.

Yep.

DA-chan is staring at Neji, the Hyuuga prodigy.

And he's not behind a screen.

And he was staring directly back at her.

…

And guess what?

That wasn't the end of it.

Neji suddenly produced, from behind his back, a box.

And on that box there was a logo.

…

It said "Pizza Hut Deliveries".

…

And then there was silence.

…

So Neji decided to break it.

He asked,

"Did you order a pizza?"

…….

DA screamed.


	2. Here we go again

Yo! I'm back with another retarded dream! I've been having a couple recently.

Here I go.

Oh yeh. And I don't own Naruto.

* * *

DA woke up surprisingly early today. It was 10.07 am.

Yes. That's early.

However it was not the time that puzzled her but the reason as to why she woke up.

The clanging of dishes could be heard through the closed door of her bedroom.

She got out of bed and yanked open the door for she hated waking up any earlier than necessary.

There was a person standing in her kitchen.

Her first thought was,

"Who the hell wears a black, full length cloak in the middle of summer?"

Her second was,

"Holy cow, where'd I put my tennis racquet?"

Then she noticed that he was actually doing the dishes for her.

She quickly crossed out her second thought.

Whoever was brave enough to face her pile of dishes deserved some credit.

As her foggy mind started to clear, DA took in further details.

The guy was blonde.

And his cloak had a decoration of red clouds on it.

DA blinked.

Le-gasp!

The guy paused in his actions and turned around.

…

"PEIN-SAMA?!"

"…Yeeees?" (1)

…

DA walked towards him.

"You can't be real."

"…I find that offensive."

…

DA reached up towards his face.

"…Your piercings look real…."

She took hold of a piercing above his eye.

And pulled.

Hard.

A painful yell echoed throughout the kitchen.

Pein looked like he was bleeding profusely from the eye.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"So you are real." DA looked on in wonder.

"WHAT'D YOU THINK?!"

"Lol nice." (2)

Pein was starting to turn a bit pale.

…

"You do realize that if we don't do something about the bleeding I'm either gonna end up losing my circulation or falling unconscious."

"Oh right, right. The bleeding. Um let me see….."

DA scrambled around the house and came up with a first aid kit.

Pein grabbed it from her and turned away, presumably treating his wound.

DA sighed and went back to her room.

She opened the door and was met with the strangest sight yet.

There was a man in Anbu clothes covered in blood and about to lie down on her bed.

O.O

"OMG, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

The man jumped and fell off the bed.

DA paused.

"Those were the crappiest ninja skills I have ever seen."

DA stared at the man and finally recognized him.

"…Kakashi?"

"…….?"

"…..What are you doing without your mask on?"

"……My dog ate it."

"….."

"….."

"…..You're a lot uglier than I thought you would be."

"….."

"Well get outa here. You're not supposed to be in my room, let alone on my bed. I have a personal bubble and your foot is smack in the middle of it."

Kakashi put on the puppy eyes.

DA faltered.

"Well there's always the couch….But you're not touching anything else in my house without taking a shower first, you got it?!"

Kakashi beamed a retarded beam and skipped out, closing the door behind him.

DA sighed and sat on the edge of the mud/ blood caked bed.

She could hear Kakashi's footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

There was a pause and an eerie silence.

DA suddenly remembered.

…Pein.

Two girlish screams were heard through the closed door.

* * *

lol That dream was from a while ago but I didn't have the time to type it up. I just had another one recently and it's the continuation of this one.

…….Dreams are so awesome.

(1) When you call someone and stretch out their names, they are usually inclined to answer back in the same way. Try it out if you don't believe me.

(2) Yes. She actually said 'lol'. I do that sometimes when I couldn't be bothered to laugh but wanted to let people know that I would've if I wasn't such a slacker.


	3. Trouble

Yo!

Continuing from last time!

* * *

DA jumped at the door, yanked it open, and raced down the hallway.

She held onto the wall with wide eyes and stared at the strange scene before her.

She would've laughed her ass off if it wasn't for the crazy screaming.

Well, she did actually.

All in all, it must've been pretty weird.

A person bleeding from the eye screaming at another covered in mud and who knows what, with an addition of a girl in pajamas laughing her ass off in the corner of the room.

Yeah…one could say it's pretty weird.

Fortunately DA was quick to recover and stepped in between the two screaming maniacs.

They paused for breath.

DA grinned. "Kakashi meet Pein. Pein meet Kakashi."

They stared.

"…Wait. Am I ruining the whole series cause I introduced you two?"

Both of them asked, "What series?"

"…Aw never mind. You two weren't supposed to meet anyway. Aw crap what do I do…?"

DA sighed.

"Well since I've probably stuffed it up beyond repair already I'll just ruin it even more. Here I go."

They both stared at her.

"Pein, this is Kakashi Hatake, son of Konoha's White Fang, also known as Sharingan Kakashi."

Pein's eyes narrowed and he slowly shifted into a more agile pose.

Kakashi didn't seem to notice.

"Kakashi, this is Pein, leader of the Akatsuki…need I say more?"

Kakashi's eyes widened.

"You're kidding right?"

"…Of course I'm kidding!"

He raised a brow.

"I'm not, you retard! Why the hell would I be kidding about this?"

They both answered.

"…because you're the retarded one?"

Two plates spun towards their heads.

Being ninjas, they didn't disappoint, and ducked under the offending objects.

DA fumed.

Both Kakashi and Pein laughed and gave each other high fives.

"Did you just…like…holy cow…so OOC…"

Kakashi and Pein yanked their hands away and pointed at each other, speechless.

There was an awkward silence.

Suddenly, beeps were heard in Kakashi's pocket.

Kakashi reached in and moved to pull the object out.

Both DA and Pein backed away.

Pein was just being cautious.

DA thought it sounded like a pipe bomb.

…

It was a pager.

"They have pagers in Naruto?"

Pein answered.

"Of course! We have cars, mobile phones, fridges, radios, trains, boats, planes…stuff like that. Basically everything you have here."

DA paused for a moment as Kakashi began jabbing the pager.

"Do you have the internet?"

"…Internet?...I don't believe so…"

A grin grew on DA's face and she cackled like the maniac that she was.

But before she was able to go on, Kakashi stuffed the pager into his pocket and interrupted.

"I'm afraid I have to go. Tsunade-sama demands a meeting right away." He glanced at Pein, "Till we meet again."

And with a poof, he disappeared.

Pein growled.

"Damn showoff."

DA grinned and turned back towards Pein.

"Now, as I was saying-…oh my god."

"What?"

"Pein, what-…what happened to your face?"

"Huh? W-what's wrong with my face?"

Out of nowhere, DA produced a hand sized mirror.

Pein snatched it and quickly took a look.

An eerie silence.

…

Then a scream and a shatter as the mirror connected with the wall across the room.

"Oh god, my face! MY FACE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FACE?"

DA didn't laugh.

It wasn't funny.

Actually, it was horrifying.

One side of Pein's face had turned a greenish purple in colour. It was a wonder anyone missed it. Maybe it just started? Who knows?

Oh and the wound above his eye is leaking green something.

DA stared as Pein began running around the room wailing.

And then it clicked.

DA rushed back to the cupboard where she stuffed the first aid kit.

She ruffled through the contents and took out the antiseptic.

She peered at the labels and her eyes widened considerably.

"Expiry date: 29 June, 2004."

…

And Pein used at least half a bottle of it.

* * *

I love all the Naruto characters. I used to hate going to sleep but now it's not so bad. Sometimes, if you wanna dream about something so badly, it might happen. But I don't do such things though. I let the dreams take control.

And then it all goes wild.

And I love every second of it.


	4. AAMI

Yo!

I'm back with another retarded dream. (laughs randomly)

* * *

DA woke up… 

(That was one crappy beginning to a chapter)

Let's just say she was in the kitchen having something with 'instant' on it when there was crazy knocking on her door.

…

It was Pein.

With a band aid above his eye.

With presumably valid antiseptic this time.

He walked in non-chalantly and didn't say a word.

DA just stared.

She closed the door but it got stuck on something.

She paused then started banging the door, trying to get it shut.

There were screams of pain from outside.

She stopped and opened the door.

And there was Tobi clutching his foot.

…

And the rest of the Akatsuki.

So DA let them all in.

Since her house wasn't very big, the place was crammed with people in black cloaks.

…

It must've looked weird from outside.

Pein broke the silence.

"I presume you already know the rest of the group, since you knew me before I even introduced myself."

"Yes, yes. I know you all…"

DA cracked up randomly.

Everyone else stared.

…

BANG!

A random girl flew in through the open window.

…

"Ah, great timing. Everyone meet my neighbour, C4."

…

Pein broke the silence. Again.

"So…you said something about this 'internet' thing yesterday…"

"Ah, yes that. Everyone follow me."

DA led the way to her room.

She got onto the internet on her laptop and the Akatsuki crowded around her desk.

"I know it's a bit crammed in here but this is the only laptop…other than my dad's-"

And with that, Itachi broke from the group and disappeared down the hallway towards the other bedroom.

"-which you're not supposed to go on…oh what the heck."

…

"Anyway the internet is like a huge network that connects people from all over the world…a great source of communication and such. Now the first website I will introduce you guys to is the infamous YouTube."

DA went on YouTube and went to her favourites.

And as anyone would suspect, there were lots and lots of crazy stuff eg "Crazy People Screaming On Roller Coasters", "Naruto: Abridged Series", "Most Amazing Road Accident", "The Bleach Skit", "Roy Mustang's Insanity Test" etc.

…O.o

* * *

30 minutes later, everyone was sitting in the living room laughing their asses off at random parodies, skits and cosplays watched on YouTube. 

The tv was on and Tobi was playing Barbie: Horse Adventures on the PS2.

And he was enjoying it.

Pein grinned.

"That car accident one was awesome."

Hidan: "My favourite was the one where the loser got hit by a truck."

Kakuzu: "That one where the surgeon stabbed himself in the eye with scissors was funny."

Deidara: "What'd you think of the one where the mansion blew up?"

Sasori: "Hahaha…the guy walked into a tree…"

…

Everyone fell silent at that.

Tobi: "Yes! Tobi passed level 4! Now Tobi gets a new horsie!"

…

Zetsu, who has been pretty quiet all this time, got up and changed the game to Naruto Ultimate Ninja without giving Tobi a chance to save.

Tobi: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

20 minutes later, Zetsu pwned everyone else while only playing as Sakura. 

BAM!

The door to the other bedroom crashed open and Itachi rushed out with 'that' crazed look on his face. ("You are my new light!" epic moment thingy…)

What he said next sent everyone into heavy fits of laughter.

…

"I WON 50 PERCENT OFF CAR INSURANCE WITH AAMI!"

…wtf?

* * *

And that was it. 

I've just had another one last night.

I will update soon.


End file.
